Living by Faith

My friend Paul just reminded me of his favorite retort – “ We don’t retreat, we just reload!” I completed the second infusion of Gemzar on Tuesday and in addition to the recurrent “pancreas pain” I have noticed some fatigue. I was up at the usual 05:30 and attended rounds at SCVMC this morning, came home and did carpentry constructing a storage shed for Jackson – but then took a 3 hour nap this afternoon. Those of you who know my habits will understand that naps are not part of my usual routine.

Michelle, Bo, Grey and Kristie returned to London this week after a busy 3 week visit with us and also with our family in Kansas. Grey recovered full use of his arm and both the kids seemed to adjust quickly to life in California. It was so good to have them with us - but they were longing to see “Papa’ and I’m sure Ralf was surprised to see the changes, especially vocabulary expands daily.

What a wonderful reunion we had this week with the Kawata family who were visiting from Japan. Makoto was a visiting Ob/Gyn scholar when I was a young asst professor – both of us working on projects in the Hertzenberg’s immunogenetics lab, only 25+ years ago. They also attended and very much enjoyed Menlo Park Presbyterian Church during that era. His daughters and wife, Mitsue, have visited us on occasions over the years and we send Christmas greetings, but Makoto was returning for the first visit back to the US. It was so good to reconnect and share many good times – they brought an album of pictures of their kids and ours - who at the time were in elementary school. Makoto’s comment was that his family wanted to come here for a vacation, but he just wanted to come and see me – a great friendship renewed. He had followed my career via the internet and had lots of questions especially about my retirement career in third world obstetrics.

Thanks to our friend, Dave, Bonnie and I have been reading the devotionals of the 17th century Catholic mystic, Francois de Salignac de La Mothe Fenelon, the Archbishop of Cambrai, France – a spiritual advisor in the court of Louis the Fourteenth. This one from yesterday resonated with my day…


Living by the Cross and by Faith – Fenelon, Let Go, letter 12

We have crosses to bear everyday. But I have learned to enjoy the bitterest of them. And it is sweet to know that the heaviest cross can be borne in peace. However, there may be times when it seems that you do not have the strength even to bear it or to drag it. All you can do is fall down beneath it, overwhelmed and exhausted. I pray that God may spare you as much as possible in proportioning your suffering, not that God delights in seeing us suffer, but He knows that we need this as much as we need our daily bread. And only God knows how much we need to accomplish His purposes in our lives. So what we must do is live by faith and live by the cross. For we are confident that God, with His true compassion, proportions our trials to the amount of strength that He has committed to us within. Even though we cannot actually see this happening, yet we believe it is true. Trial and strength are portioned out in equal measures. Living by this kind of faith demands the deepest kind of death to self.

I continue to get official calls that my authorization for stereotaxic radiation (Trilogy) is being denied and again appealed – so please continue to pray for favor from HealthNet and Medicare.

We have a big weekend upcoming with a day long Saturday Mission Seminar with the Barnabas Project in the East Bay. I’ll go from that meeting in Hayward to Elk Grove and meet up with Bonnie to celebrate our two grand daughters’ birthdays with Drew, Michele and their family. Then we have two days to get chemo and prepare to depart for Bonnie’s 50th High School reunion in Emporia, Kansas Wednesday the 6th of June.